More on Gay Marriage

From The Press
Friday 8th February 2013

Maybe Danny reads my blog

Ed Lines by Danny Lockwood



PARLIAMENT having declared, oh yea verily, that man canneth now be wed to man, and woman to woman, I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that Westminster shall shortly be reduced to a pile of smouldering ashes by a divine thunderbolt.
It wouldn’t be before time for that Tower of Babel.
If Jehovah doesn’t cast the sinful House of Commons swine into the wilderness, perhaps he could at least sling a selection of the blasphemers into the Thames. Come on God, show them who’s the boss!
I’ve clearly missed something important about the gay marriage debate, a piece of legislation every bit as barmy as anything coming out of the European Court of Human Rights.
We have NHS hospitals killing people, public debt racing like a runaway train, immigrants still pouring over our borders in record numbers – and Cameron and Clegg are concerned about a bloke’s right to tippy-toe up the aisle in a frilly white frock and size-10 high heels. Good grief.
It’s nearly 500 years since Henry VIII re-wrote the political history of Christianity, just so he could officially get the leg-over with Ann Boleyn – while the Spaniards and French loomed threateningly across the Channel. Not much changes really, does it?
The Almighty was probably gazing down on this week’s frivolous proceedings in the Palace of Westminster, sagely shaking his head.
I can imagine St Peter now, whispering in his Lordly lughole: “Save the thunderbolt for something rather more worthwhile sire – those British are a lost cause anyway, and not much longer for that sainted isle.”
At which God strokes his beard and replies in a deep bass: “A terrible shame Peter, because I quite liked that tune Jerusalem …”
But back to the Gay Marriage bill and I reiterate – what’s the point? Their equal rights are already fairly enshrined in law, but marriage is a religious sacrament not a mechanism of state.
Is this really only about trivial MPs asserting their authority over the church?
Well, Christianity at least, because you didn’t see any Muslim politicians speaking up for gay marriage did you?
According to their religion, the only rights homosexuals should have is choosing between rocks and bricks at their public stoning.
I note that arch-liberal Batley MP Mike Wood, an obvious candidate for the gay marriage lobby, had actually voted against it.
That’s only a surprise until it dawns that Wood has probably been propped up by the Muslim vote for years.
But anyway, I presume by the resultant Act of Parliament that men shall henceforth be able to give birth. Personally, I’d give a week’s wage to watch the horrible little John Bercow try to s*** a 10lb baby with a big head.
Or William Hague for that matter, because as much as I quite like Hague, it would look hilariously like he was giving birth to himself.
But if women can’t produce ‘seed’, and men cannot suddenly grow a womb, then what exactly is the point?
Is it really all about Elton and his husband wanting their pictures taking in a big white fluffy dress on the steps of St Paul’s, and not just outside Chelsea Register Office?
With everything from the NHS, law and order, public finances and education falling apart, this week recalled the latter days of Rome; the nation’s metaphorically aflame and our modern day Emperors are fiddling away re-writing the rules to the Happy Families card game.
I keep thinking it can’t get worse, but it can. It does.