Scott Davis - Bullying (More red crayon)

F.A.O. Scott Davis

Scott

Apologies for omitting the subject in yesterdays e-mail.

Just in case bullying has a different meaning in the States, as it would appear threat has a different meaning, here is some UK information.

Bullying takes place behind closed doors with no witnesses and no evidence (in the traditional sense). When called to account, the bully uses charm and their Jekyll and Hyde nature to lie convincingly.

• Recognise what is happening to you as bullying - it is the bully who has the problem, which he or she is projecting on to you.
• Criticisms and allegations, which are ostensibly about you or your performance and which sometimes contain a grain (but only a grain) of truth, are not about you or your performance. Do not be fooled by that grain of truth into believing the criticisms and allegations have any validity - they do not. The purpose of criticism is control; it has nothing to do with performance enhancement. Contact us for strategies on how to turn false allegations to your advantage.
• Criticisms and allegations are a projection of the bully's own weaknesses, shortcomings, failings and incompetence; every criticism or allegation is an admission by the bully of their misdeeds and wrongdoing, something they have said or done - or failed to do.
• You are not alone - surveys (by the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development, TUC, UMIST, Staffordshire University Business School etc) suggest this is happening to between 3 and 14 million employees in the UK, and from extensive feedback, pro rata in other countries. See case histories for the similarities between your case and those of others.
• You may be encouraged to feel shame, embarrassment, guilt and fear - this is a normal reaction, but misplaced and inappropriate. Guilt and fear are well-known as tactics of control. This is how all abusers, including child sex abusers, control and silence their victims.
• You cannot handle bullying by yourself - bullies use deception, amoral behaviour and abuse of power. Get help. There is no shame or failure in this - the bully is devious, deceptive, evasive and manipulative - and cheats. Often, the bully is behaving in the manner of a sociopath or other disordered personality. If you are dealing with a sociopath - I estimate one person in thirty is a serial bully with sociopathic traits - remember that naivety is the greatest enemy. You must see the disordered personality behind the mask and realise that the serial bully has a completely different mindset, often one that will never change - except to improve their skills of manipulation, deception and evasion of accountability.
• Denial is everywhere. The person who asserts their right not to be bullied is often blowing the whistle on another's incompetence (which the bullying is intended to hide). Expect the bully to deny everything, expect the bully's superiors to deny and disbelieve everything, and - as evidenced by thousands of cases reported to my Advice Line - expect personnel/human resources to disbelieve you and deny the bullying, for they will already have been deceived by the bully into joining in with the bully and getting rid of you. Click here for more on how and why Human Resources often don't support targets of bullying.
• Serial bullies excel at deception and manipulation.
• See your doctor - bullying causes prolonged negative stress which results in psychiatric injury. Psychiatric injury has nothing to do with mental illness, despite what others (including some mental health professionals) may say or infer. To see the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury, click here. If stress is diagnosed, make sure it includes the cause, eg stress caused by conditions in the workplace. If depression is diagnosed, make sure it is recorded as reactive depression. To see how prolonged negative stress causes injury to health, click here. Remember that stress is not the employee's inability to cope with excessive workload but a consequence of the employer's failure to provide a safe system of work as required by the UK Health and Safety at Work Act 1974.
• Take the matter up with your line management - beware though, most bullies are the line manager and are supported by their line manager, etc. Often, the bullying is hierarchical and comes from the top.
• Mental health trap: the symptoms and effects of bullying are a psychiatric injury, not a mental illness. To see the differences, click here. If this trap is sprung, look the bully in the eye and with a witness present say "the state of my physical and mental wellbeing today is a direct consequence of your behaviour towards me over the period]". Expect confusion, then denial followed by more aggression.
• If the bully is making unwarranted criticisms in public or on your record, you may feel it appropriate to ask your solicitor to write a letter to the bully pointing out that he or she is subject to the laws of slander, libel and defamation of character.
• If your employer refuses to get involved, or backs the bully in his/her attempt to get rid of you, you might consider asking your solicitor to write to someone in authority (with legal responsibility) outlining the way your manager has treated you, stating that your rights in law will be vigorously defended against the unacceptable behaviour of one of their employees whose actions will be monitored as a consequence of his or her declared intentions. This turns the spotlight on the bully rather than on the target. If your employer is unwilling to address the bullying - perhaps because the bullying is hiding incompetence which is endemic in the organisation - expect fireworks
• If you do take on the bully, beware that bullies can be very vindictive. Often, you are dealing with a socialised psychopath (sociopath) or disordered personality who does not share the same moral values as you. Bullies think they are above the law - but insist that you stay rigidly within the law.
• The Number One mistake people make is to not recognise the serial bully as a sociopath or disordered personality. Naivety is the greatest enemy - most people can't or won't believe that the person they're tackling is a serial bully, and consequently expect the bully to recognise their wrongdoing and make amends. Serial bullies cannot and will not - but they will ruthlessly exploit other people's naivety to ensure their own survival. Never underestimate the serial bully's deviousness, ruthlessness, cunning, and ability to deceive - and their vindictiveness.

If you are fighting a case of bullying against a serial bully and the employer chooses to not respond positively, remember the Achilles heels:

• Bullying is an obsessive compulsive behaviour and therefore repetitive; it's often a lifetime behaviour. It is most likely the serial bully has a history of this behaviour which a little investigation will reveal.
• The serial bully displays an arrogance and fully expects to get away with their behaviour.
• Serial bullying is highly predictable; this site describes the profile of the serial bully (click here to see).
• The serial bully is a compulsive liar with a Jekyll and Hyde nature who excels at deception - therefore their word cannot be trusted. Highlight this at every opportunity.
• When dealing with the serial bully, concentrate on the patterns of incidents rather than the incidents themselves (which are often trivial when taken out of context). The bully can always explain away individual incidents, but s/he cannot explain the pattern. When discussing any single incident, refer repeatedly to the pattern of which this incident is part.
• Bullies are adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information; make it clear to your employer that the bully is working for his or her own self-interest and gains gratification from encouraging the employer and employee to engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict. Remind your employer that the bully is deliberately and wilfully causing the employer to incur vicarious liability for their behaviour.
• The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy, and people who bully to hide their inadequacy are often incompetent; the worse the bullying, the greater and more widespread the incompetence. Abusive employers will often pay large out-of-court settlements to keep that incompetence secret.
• If all else fails, and legal action proves impossible, remember Klingon wisdom: bortaS bIr jablu'DI'reH QaQqu' nay' which translates as Revenge is a dish best served cold: give media interviews, write articles, contribute to research, or write a book ... use those qualities of competence, popularity, integrity and courage of which the bully was jealous and envious.

If you are being singled out for unfair treatment whilst at your place of employment by your boss, a manager or a colleague you do not have to suffer in silence. Bullying at work whilst common-place is unlawful and can include:

• shouting at employees or members of staff by any other employees who do not need to be in a more superior or managerial position.
• competent staff being constantly criticised for no good reason, having their normal duties or responsibilities removed in order to belittle them or being given trivial tasks that do not justify their position or experience
• deliberately and unfairly blocking promotion or movement from one job to another within the organisation
• persistently picking on an employee with trivial or unfair complaints in front of others or in private
• setting a person up to fail by overloading them with work or setting impossible deadlines
• regularly and deliberately ignoring or excluding individuals from work activities
• regularly making the same person the butt of jokes which may also come into the realms of sexual or racial discrimination or harassment
• consistently attacking a member of staff in terms of their professional or personal standing or bringing their personal life up to other employees where there is no justification or connection with their work

Regds

Mike